One morning lying in bed, drifting between sleep and wakefulness, I discovered something important about the nature of personal agency. I was experiencing myself feeling tired, languishing in that hazy space where my Conditioned Self (i.e. the non-conscious processes triggered by circumstances in the environment) was running free. I noticed it was doing what it had been trained to do by chance or by my own past choices.
It wasn’t until this occurred to me that I became aware of my breathing. In that moment I (i.e. the Choosing Self, the faculty of choice) started breathing instead of “being breathed”, if that makes sense. My breathing was no longer happening automatically. I was choosing to make it happen. That shift was the first step in directing my experience to get myself energized and out of bed.
Hey there. It’s me, Kore. And you’re listening to Exercising Self-Control: From Fitness To Flourishing.
A Refined Understanding
This shift in realization crystallized something I’ve said repeatedly but, up to now, not quite accurately and that is that “our experience is a choice.” That’s not entirely correct. At least, it’s not as clear as accuracy requires.
The non-conscious processing and structures of the brain far exceed the capabilities of our conscious options. Our automatic neural pathways, shaped by repetition and reinforcement, operate with lightning speed and overwhelming power.
Conscious direction, by contrast, requires deliberate activation of prefrontal cortex functions. Like switching from autopilot to manual mode you must choose to think consciously and with focus.
So, instead of saying “You can choose your experience” it’s more accurate to say: “You can choose to direct your experience” or “You can choose to imagine your preferred experience.”
Photo by Belinda Fewings on Unsplash
The Process in Action
From that moment of awareness in the morning I began applying what I now describe as a four-step process:
Notice the automatic pattern: I recognized my Conditioned Self in action with its default morning state: grogginess, heaviness, reluctance to fully awaken and get out of bed.
Activate conscious attention: I deliberately shifted from “being breathed” to breathing, activating my Choosing Self.
Imagine the preferred experience: I imagined what it would feel like to be wide awake, ready for the day ahead.
Take aligned action: Step-by-step and moment-by-moment, I made choices consistent with being wide awake and energized. I chose to breathe in a deliberate pattern. I took rapid, full breaths, essentially hyperventilating for about 20 cycles or so. I held my breath after emptying my lungs on the final exhale, buzzing from having depleted the body’s store of carbon dioxide. Finally, I chose to open my eyes. And then I got up.
The key was that I had to imagine from the desired experience. I had to imagine myself wide awake even though I was feeling lethargic, drowsy, and heavy laying in bed.
The Broader Framework
That morning experience revealed a fundamental pattern that applies far beyond morning grogginess.
The Conditioned Self operates from conclusions and answers. It’s the source of routine and habit. These aren’t inherently bad things. When circumstances and environment remain stable, those conclusions and answers serve us well. But when things change, they can become obstacles as we continue operating from answers that no longer apply.
The Choosing Self operates from inquiry and questions. It’s the source of independence and adaptation. When circumstances change, we can respond mindfully rather than react mechanically.
The same conscious redirection that moved me from grogginess to alertness can shift any automatic pattern toward a preferred experience.
Redirecting anxiety into curiosity by asking “What might I learn here?” instead of concluding “This is dangerous.”
Transforming frustration into problem-solving energy by choosing to see obstacles as puzzles rather than barriers.
Shifting from scattered thinking to honed in attention by consciously directing awareness to a single point of focus.
Moving from reactive defensiveness to thoughtful response by pausing to imagine how your Preferred Self would engage.
The Scope of Our Control
This principle reveals both the limits and the potential of personal agency. I can’t simply choose my experience. The Conditioned Self is too powerful, too fast, too deeply grooved by repetition. It will always respond first to the circumstances. But I can choose to direct my experience through conscious attention and imagination when I am consistently looking for the opportunity to do so.
That’s as much control as we have in the world. As minimal as that control may be, it’s profound. Whatever the circumstances we can choose to direct our attention. We can choose to imagine the experience we prefer and make choices from that place. The Conditioned Self need not run the show indefinitely. If we are to have success we must choose to direct our experience.
A Compounding Effect
When practiced consistently these moments of conscious direction compound, gradually reshaping our default patterns and expanding our capacity for intentional living. Each time we activate the Choosing Self we strengthen our ability to switch from autopilot to manual mode, until what once required enormous effort becomes increasingly natural.
It’s only through this consistent training that we can influence the non-conscious processes and patterns that otherwise govern our experience.
That’s it for today. Catch you next time.
